If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and considering adoption for your baby, you are likely facing many different thoughts, questions and emotions. One of the most common questions you may be asking is, “Is it wrong to give up your child for adoption?”
Because we hear these types of concerns often, we want to take the time to debunk the many misconceptions that portray adoption as “bad” or “selfish” and explain the many benefits of choosing adoption for your child.
By no means is adoption an easy decision, but with the right information and the best resources, you can find comfort knowing that in many situations, it is the best opportunity for you and your baby. Continue reading to learn more about common misconceptions surrounding putting a child up for adoption and the actual positive outcomes that are possible.
Misconception: It is Wrong to “Give your Child up” for Adoption
Although societal views are becoming less judgmental, and more educational resources are available, unfortunately, there are still some people who view adoption as “wrong.” This leads to birth mothers questioning, “Is it wrong to put your baby up for adoption?”
When you choose adoption for your baby, you are doing so out of love and care for your child. You have made the realization that you may be unable to provide your child with the opportunities in life that you want for him or her. You want your child to grow up in a loving, supportive home that is 100% prepared to raise a child, and you feel that adoption is the right way to ensure this occurs.
You understand adoption is not wrong at all; you understand adoption is right.
This selfless decision is not made over night. Choosing adoption, and the process itself, is an emotional journey — a journey that you never have to go through alone. Adoption professionals are here to help provide you with unbiased information and resources, 24/7 counseling services and more. They can help answer the question, “Is it wrong to put my baby up for adoption?” with a clear, definitive answer: no. These professionals understand what you are going through and can ease any other concerns you may have.
Misconception: Adoption is Bad
When it comes to negative opinions on adoption, we have heard them all.
“Adoption is bad for the baby.”
“Adoption is bad for the mother.”
“Adoption is bad for the adoptive family.”
No matter the statement, if there is any indication or claim that adoption is bad for those involved, it is far from the actual truth. Although adoption can be a difficult decision, and steps of the process can sometimes be challenging, the purpose and outcome of adoption, is the opposite of bad. Adoption is a great option for everyone involved.
For the Adoptee
From providing life-changing opportunities for your child, to the opportunity to b involved in an open adoption and have an ongoing relationship with your child, the benefits of adoption eliminate any question of, “Is it bad to give your baby up for adoption?” The largest problem when people give their opinions of why putting your baby up for adoption is bad is that it’s just that; an (inaccurate) opinion, not factual information.
Those preaching why putting a baby up for adoption is a bad idea may argue that children who are adopted grow up to resent their birth or adoptive parents or that they do not live a “normal” or happy life. These same people are likely unaware that open adoption is becoming increasingly common in the United States, and relationships between birth parents, their child and the adoptive family create a broader support system for the adoptee. They may not realize that an adoption is no longer a secretive, hidden decision, kept from the child, and that it is now very normal, and highly encouraged, for adoptees to grow up knowing they were adopted.
People who claim adoption is bad for the child do not understand the benefit of being raised in a home that was specifically prepared for them. Adoptees have benefits like a higher chance of pursuing extracurricular activities and higher education such as college. Although growing up adopted can be considered unique, the positives outweigh the potential for any negatives and put an end to the debate wondering, “Is it bad to give your baby up for adoption?”
For Birth Mothers
Birth mothers choose adoption for many different reasons. Having concerns and asking, “Is it bad to give your baby up for adoption?” is natural. Although the benefits to the child are often discussed, it is important not to overlook the benefits a birth mother receives as well. A study of women who chose adoption for their baby showed that birth mothers were more likely to finish school, less likely to live in poverty, more likely to marry and less likely to divorce than women who chose to be single parents. The study also provided evidence that birth mothers who chose adoption were more likely to be employed a year after the baby was born.
Ultimately, adoption provides you with opportunities that may not be possible if you chose to parent your child. From a financial standpoint, when you choose adoption for your baby, there are no hospital bills or medical expenses. This relieves the potential stress and burden for birth mothers who may be single parents or are unable to pay for these expenses.
As a birth mother, adoption gives you the peace of mind that your child will be able to grow up in a loving, supportive home; an environment that may not be possible without adoption. When you choose an open adoption, you can remain in your baby’s life and know that they are doing well, growing up happy and healthy, because you chose adoption for them. This helps reassure you made the best decision, and it is vital to your own healing process. Depending on the level of openness in your adoption, you may even have the opportunity to explain your adoption decision to your child. This can help provide clarity and understanding for your child, while also strengthening the bond between the two of you.
For Adoptive Parents
Much like there being many reasons a birth mother chooses adoption for her baby, adoptive families all have their own reasoning behind pursuing adoption as well. Some may be faced with years of infertility issues and failed pregnancies; others may be in a position in life where they would like to start or grow their family through adoption. Whatever their reasons may be, adoption provides them with the chance to make their dreams of loving and caring for a child become a reality. Choosing an adoptive family for your baby provides them with a lifetime of gratitude and a loving home for your baby.
Keep in mind, these are just a few of the benefits for adoptees, birth mothers and adoptive families that help answer the question, “Is it bad to give your baby up for adoption?”. By now, hopefully you are starting to understand, the answer is no, adoption is not bad. If you have further questions or concerns about adoption and the positive impacts it has, we urge you to speak with an adoption professional. A professional will provide more information, reasoning and clarity on how adoption is a great thing for everyone involved.
Misconception: Adoption is Selfish
It is natural for a prospective birth mother to feel a level of guilt or doubt when placing her baby for adoption. These emotions can spark the question, “Is it selfish to give my baby up for adoption?”. When you choose adoption for your baby, by no means are you being selfish. It’s actually incredibly selfless to “give a child up” for adoption.
Adoption is not selfish because you know this is the best possible choice for your child. You are making this decision out of love, and you are willing to do whatever is necessary to provide the best opportunities for them. When you choose adoption for your baby, you are putting the needs of your child first, which is the opposite of selfish.
Although feelings of guilt, doubt and concern are natural during an adoption, one way to counteract these feelings is by realizing the countless positive impacts adoption will have for your child, their adoptive family and you. It can be easier said than done, but accepting the fact that you are making the best decision for you and your child is vital to the healing process.
Choosing adoption and going through the adoption process will be full of emotions. Your willingness to subject yourself to these emotions for the betterment of your child is a testament to the unselfish decision you are making. If you are questioning, “Is giving my baby up for adoption selfish?”, you are doing so because you care. Although many different emotions will fill your pregnancy and adoption experience, feeling selfish about choosing adoption should not be one of them.
Misconception: Adoption is Cowardly
There are people, unfamiliar with the adoption process, that will say adoption is taking the easy way out. Throughout adoption articles, blogs and other resources, you will see the term “giving up a child” or “giving up your baby for adoption” used. Language like this, on top of other negative opinions you may have heard or read about birth parents, may have you questioning, “Is giving your child up for adoption cowardly?”
We need to make it perfectly clear: adoption is not giving up. Adoption is giving opportunity. Choosing adoption for your child is one of the toughest, but bravest and most selfless decisions you can make. There is nothing cowardly about providing your child with the best chance at a successful life, nor are you taking the easy way by choosing to place your child for adoption.
Moving Forward with Adoption
Choosing to pursue adoption for your child is one of the biggest decisions you will make in your life. Understanding the truth about the benefits, and clearing up any misconceptions about adoption, can help make the decision a little bit easier.
You are highly encouraged to speak with an adoption professional prior to making any decisions. At no cost to you, they will provide their expertise and discuss your specific situation with unbiased information and resources to help you along the way. Going through an unplanned pregnancy is a lot to handle, but you are never alone throughout the process.
Contact a professional today to determine what is best for you and your baby.